Good old days

I remember when I was a kid, my days were packed from morning to evening. I don't even remember myself sitting down or loafing around. And whats more, I even enjoyed doing all of it- music, dance, studying, school.... I was a girl on a mission to make my life a big success...

Everything was fine until I reached college I think. Somehow the passion, determination,zeal went up in smoke. I got transformed from an overzealous kid to 'disinterested in everything' individual. I did justice neither to my academics nor my other passions. It was a stage where I wanted everything but was not ready to work for it.

Thankfully I'm blessed with intelligence and talent which helped me sail through this phase. But what about people who are not so lucky, people who have no other go other than to work hard?? When I hear above average students flunking or doing badly in academics, I know exactly what they went through. They just didn't care enough to do well, that's all. Plus the burden of expectations and all the talk about how focus,determination is important in life and blah blah blah...

As for me, I would give anything to go back to those days where I could just be my old carefree self. No handling of complicated people or complicated emotions, not forcing myself do things which I don't wanna do, just a simple and a straightforward life- The cost of growing up, I realized.

Taking things for granted!

This ayudha pooja, I went to wash my 4 yr old scooty which was lying neglected at my gran's house. I dunno why this year I washed it with a lot of care, did the pooja myself which I normally never do. I used to hate that vehicle because it never used to go beyond 35km/hr and no pick up also. There was never a day when I did not grumble whenever I drove it.

Finally, this year I decided to sell it. We were just discussing our options, my brother suddenly brought a friend along who gave full cash and even took the vehicle away before I could say bye to my freshly washed and decorated scooty. To add on to the insult, a cow came and ate the flowers on it and urinated around it! As that fellow sat on my scooty, I had this intense urge to push him off it. As he drove away, I realized I didn't even drive it for the last time before giving it.
Trust me fellas, how much ever you hate something you own, you feel miserable after losing it. And miserable is a understatement to describe what I felt that day. I was thinking, if only I had it back, I would never let the vehicle to rot again. I couldn't eat properly thinking how it ferried me to college, tuitions, music and dance classes and all I did was to dump it in one corner after using it.
My family thinks I'm acting silly over a machine but I think I'm just mulling over my attitude
towards it. Well, I just hope it serves its new owner well doesn't face the same kind of treatment
I meted out to it.
So there we go, my beloved scooty which brought me independence I never had before, taught me not to take things for granted in life. Its amazing what a 'silly machine' can teach you.!!!

Complex minds

Long time since i wrote! Its funny how so many things we do solely depend on our mood, and MOOD is an unpredictable thing!!
Its amazing how complex one's mind can get; and though most people may like to think that they arent complex individuals, the opposite is true, most often.. The challenge, however, lies in unravelling the complexities of one's own mind and questioning each facet.. This I consider most important, since more often than not, one's complexities affects the people you love more than oneself..! However once these complexities start affecting your own moods n behaviour adversely, its time to sit up n think about why you are functioning that way..
Its a famous and widely accepted notion that women are more complex than men, how true that is, I know not, but I guess the main difference lies in women being more expressive than men when it comes to moods and emotions..
Complexity of the mind is frequently referred to as a negative trait, probably conveniently so since it does not assure comfort to people around the concerned individual, especially when emotions and moods are involved.. But I suppose, the most important thing is the discovery of oneself, to assess one's own complexities may actually help you tame it and turn it to your advantage. And if it is affecting ur moods badly, its important to be aware of it, of the way your moods change, and your reaction to every situation. Like guruji says, mere awareness can go a long way in helping you control your moods, its a long term thing of course!:)
So complexity is not really a bad thing, and it could even add a mysterious element to your otherwise boring personality!:)

Advice and Advise

Whenever we are about to take up exams, parents,relatives,teachers,media and even people remotely connected to us go on an overdrive shooting advice from all directions. Not very surprising for a marks crazy nation I suppose. When I was in my 10Th standard and 2yr pre-university,I dreaded telling people what I was studying for the fear of getting advised. It irritated me to the hilt. And in fact it actually had a negative effect on me.The more people told me to read, the more I felt like throwing the book out of the window.

The worst time when you can get an advice is when you are about to chose your undergraduate course. Some of it went like this when I decided to take up medicine:-
1."Oh you want to do MBBS? very difficult field. You have so much to read. And next you have to do post graduation also.Otherwise its a waste. Plus such a costly affair."
2. "Oh you want to do MBBS? you'll have no life. Your counter parts in other fields will start earning before you do. Won't you feel bad when you have to ask your parents for money even after studying for so many years?"
3. "Oh you want to do MBBS? Are you sure? You'll not have money even to buy a pizza and hang around with friends often.What made you take it up?"
4."Oh MBBS? What a noble profession.You don't worry about the money.That will get arranged. And don't for heaven sake go into any pure science course. You'll end up lecturing all your life and no lucrative money also.
But this one beats it all,
5. "Oh you want to do MBBS? Why did you opt for it? It is so difficult to get a Husband! Didn't your parents think about it? I hope you get a good doctor husband. All the best."
I still haven't figured out whether that "All the best" was for my course or for getting a husband!!
Everybody are so caught up about making money and getting married, they fail to take our interests, our passion, and more importantly our abilities into consideration. The situation is worse for people who have not yet made up their minds.

But after my exams,I found myself on the other side of the court. I was asked to tell about my time management and studying hours and how I managed to get good marks in my exams. I was completely baffled. I've never been a nerd and 1 hr is maximum I can sit in front of my books at a stretch.And I was expected to say 'I read for 6hrs a day, didn't watch TV, didn't eat outside food, didn't have any distractions, listened attentively to all the lectures,made notes, slept for only 5hrs a day' etc... and none of them were true. I had droopy eyelids in most of the lectures,watched TV, slept for at least 8 hrs and still continued my hobbies.
I've never been a hypocrite and I don't intend to be either,so I told them not to put too much pressure on themselves,studying for an hour or two with concentration is enough for a day and advised them to eat and sleep well. When I saw the 'not so happy' expressions on the faces of their parents, I knew there would be very few requests about my time management in future.
Well I'm glad about that and they will be too, when few years down the line they'll realize it wasn't worth the hype and life is how we take it.

Mothers:-)

This is one person in our lives who bags the first place in the category of 'the most complicated people' or at least it is so in my case. I see such completely different avatars of my mum in a day that she can give Lord Vishnu a run for his money..
She is my best critic and avoids praising me on my face but somehow manages to convey when she is really proud of me. She has never been the type who hugs and kisses on the first sight of her daughter or very emotional in handling me. Her love has always been through actions and all those 'confidential' matters she confides in me, including the gossip sessions which happens from time to time;-)
Of course we have our cat fights like most mothers and daughters. She takes these fights seriously and loves to win them because she gets to show whose the boss.. I remember there was time when I badly wanted to go to college by my bike and she refused.I threatened her that I wouldn't go to college(which is really far by the way) until she allowed me to travel by bike. I actually ended up bunking a day of college but she showed no signs of relenting.. Finally I had to give in. This is one of those incidents where I've really despised her only to realize later that it was for my own good.I felt guilty like hell for hating her during those days.
She had always wanted a girl child and the day I was born,when the nurse allotted to her lied that she had given birth to a boy,my mother turned her face away with disappointment.. Whenever she remembers this incident, I know she wants to tell me how much she loves me.

The relationship is not all lovey-dovey obviously. She thinks I lack manners when I yell back in reply when she shouts at me and hates it even more if don't yell back:-D. She brands me as a separatist whenever I close my room door even if it is to sleep or to study. She wants to be a part of every minute of my life and hates giving me any sort of space(the idea of giving space to her own daughter seems ridiculous to her).. basically she's not ready to let me go which drives me crazy sometimes...May be I'll realize the difficulty when I have my own daughter...
Well, thats my mum- Backbone of our family, Affectionate, caring, irritable, short tempered, judgemental, someone who loves having her own way and very very unpredictable.
and as some of you might have already guessed,Yes,I had a fight with mum and a patch up and the sudden inspiration to write this post:-)
Please do write in your view of your mother- frustrations, funny incidents, support,fights.. anything and everything are welcome....

Still slaves of the western world??

LORD MACAULAY'S ADDRESS TO THE BRITISH PARLIAMENT 2 FEB 1835

"I have travelled across the length and breath of India and I have not seen one person who is beggar,who is a thief; such wealth I've seen in this country,such high moral values,people of such high calibre,that I do not think we would ever conquer this country,unless we break the very backbone of this nation,which is her spiritual and cultural heritage,and therefore,I propose that we replace her old and ancient education system,her culture,for if the Indians think that all that is foreign and English is good and greater than their own,they will lose their self esteem, their native culture and they will become what we want them, a truly dominated nation".

When I came across this statement first,I realized with a pang that what Macaulay said almost two centuries ago still holds good.. We keep hearing that India is losing its culture with most of the urban youth identifying themselves better with the western world.. Its true ofcourse..

But why is the big question..

We wear clothes which are popular there, we consume alcohol in various places because so do everybody in the western world(so it automatically becomes trendy and cool), and Yoga, our ancient art which was hardly getting takers a few years back, suddenly found itself being enlightened on people.reason?obviously because it became popular with our western counterparts...

Ofcourse I'm not endorsing that everybody should start wearing saris and lungis and I have no problem with jeans and Tshirts either. I don't approve of consuming alcohol whatever the occasion might be(this rule is for myself and I don't have problem with people who take an occasional drink) What I mean by all this is we tend to idiolise their routine,beliefs,fashion sense with utter disregard to our own...

Unfortunately we have not adopted certain things about them which truely deserves appreciation..like their punctuality, road sense, cleanliness and discipline...

We have so many subjects to make movies on but still we decide to make some crappy old remake of a hollywood movie.. We still depend on India's poverty stricken locations and stories about it to win oscars and booker prizes...We are on cloud nine when we win an oscar and hugely disappointed when we don't make it.. Why so much hue and cry over it? how can we expect them to understand our sensibilities when we ourselves are not sure of it.? We have almost led ourselves and others to believe that we are second class unless we are doing similar to what they are doing....

I really dunno when we will get out of this self imposed slavery but it spells bad for a nation which through centuries has been a pioneer whether in science,culture,art

Adding on to Sahana s previous post, yup, there sure is an obsession with academic excellence and parents seem to be pushing their children into the rat race knowing fully well that it is a dirty place to be in, hoping against hopes that their kids will outshine the rest and make them 'proud'.. To hell with what the kid is going through inside, they will get out of it once they achieve what they have to, and if they dont?? Well, thats not an option..!!
Things are sure changing slowly, but slowly it is, but the scars of pressure remain for long, impinge on the psyche and gives birth to jealousy, greed and feverishness in the kids.. Its unhealthy, very much so.. For the person, for family, and for society..
And man, it sure makes a differences in alliances and marriages..! From what I have heard, there is more importance given to the number of degrees a person has than how he makes a living.. So what if he has his own flourishing business? Its no use if he doesnt have an MBA..!:)
Well, I suppose we are living in a society that in obsessed with marks and degrees; but I do see little change.. I guess the people who have gone through the rat race, whether thay have failed or succeeded, have come out wiser and I hope that they would know better than to impose the same on their children.. I think that is happening, though slowly.. Lets wait and watch, and learn from the rats..!:)